David Bass (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} kadeity) wrote,@ 2009-06-09 18:09:00 |
|
You Dont Know What You Dont Know; Thats how Ignorance Works.
I think there is some confusion about what exactly having an inflated ego is. First, the person with this problem probably has no idea that they have it. Thats baseline. Second, an inflated eco doesn't necessarily mean you're arrogant or have any sort of self esteem problem. You might, but its not required. These are the things it isnt.
This is what it is. A person who uses themselves as the primary reference point and filter for all things, with a lack of interpersonal understanding, is a self oriented person. Because they lack that social intelligence, the ability to see and understand the effect they have on others, they are sortof trapped in a cloud of self without the accurate interpretation of social feedback to help the autocorrect. Without Interpersonal and social understanding to compete with your internal dialogue, you become selfish, because it is he most real thing to you.
The same thing can happen to a person with too much Interpersonal intelligence. Without Interpersonal and social understanding. if you develop a habit of gathering and interpreting social ques but never develop a firm inner dialogue you become socially oriented. You become a trend slave, or a follower. This
If you can gather social cues, and interpret them, and you can have a strong internal dialogue that you can use social cues to repair, then you can become a person of character. The problem is that people can have learning disabilities that are harder to detect. An inability to learn from your mistakes in thought processing makes it difficult to gather wisdom. An inability to learn from the habits, expectations, and social cues of others makes it difficult to find a social niche, and again, difficult to gather wisdom.
Because there are so many types of intelligence, it makes it difficult to understand how to actually improve yourself. I think the most important thing is to try and develop critical thinking skills. Your ability to gather data improves parallel to your ability to process data, but you can improve your ability to gather without improving your ability to process. The same is not true the other way around, however. Processing data correctly leads to improvements in virtually every other area. If you can comprehend your environment, and how it reacts to you, you can comprehend yourself better.
And thats what the inflated ego needs; understanding to keep it in check. The self oriented individual lacks compassion, though they can usually simulate it because social pressure dictates that they must. The self oriented individual might also actually be quite adept at gathering social cues, but like i mentioned before, this has no bearing on their ability to correctly interpret them. Misinterpretations cant be caught without critical thinking skills, and so often the self oriented person has their worldview reaffirmed by their interpretations of cues. This happens to anyone without critical thinking skills, and isnt unique to the selfish person.
Intent has no bearing on method, and so a self oriented person can even actually mean well, though they lack true compassion. Often, a method of simulating compassion is caring about how a person makes YOU feel, and not wanting your own feeling to end. This results in the person caring for the needs of others, but primarily to be certain that their own desires continue to be met. This is a doppleganger of true compassion, which is done out of your own feeling for another, and comes without any expectation of reciprocation.
Its important to remember this, however. Selfish people are necessary, from an evolutionary standpoint. The family of cowards is always larger than the family of heroes. Cowards protect our future generations, by protecting themselves and their ability to reproduce. Heroes protect our currently living generation in addition to the future generations those living might represent. Both have an evolutionary necessity. I know this.
Im not saying selfishness is wrong, im saying it is annoying. Knowing that someone is incapable of genuinely giving a fuck about anyone but themselves is no consolation for knowing that they dont give a fuck about you. Im a social primate, and so are you. I have an expectation of respect, and social grooming. You spend more time being sure you will be taken care of than you spend taking care of others. How can i respect that? I can understand it. But thats not me. Its not how i am, and while i can accept it, i can never respect it.
It might not be your fault that youre socially retarded, or that youve been conditioned to deal only in self. I know that your expanded sense of self, your inflated ego, doesnt actually come with a self esteem boost, and that your inability to appropriately respond to others leaves you lonely, but that doesnt excuse it.
Self improvement. We are who we choose to be. You could change, if you wanted to, if you could recognize what your problems are, and work on them. You can rebuild yourself to be whomever you wish to be. But you wont. But you cant. You dont have the drive. You may not even have the meatal means, i have no way of knowing.
But that doesnt mean you cant help it. Ive tried to tell you. So have other people. Im sure that on some level youre aware of what you do to others. So fix it. Just stop, and choose to change. If not for others, do it for yourself. If you dont try and become something else, you will never stop feeling alone.
just try.
I think there is some confusion about what exactly having an inflated ego is. First, the person with this problem probably has no idea that they have it. Thats baseline. Second, an inflated eco doesn't necessarily mean you're arrogant or have any sort of self esteem problem. You might, but its not required. These are the things it isnt.
This is what it is. A person who uses themselves as the primary reference point and filter for all things, with a lack of interpersonal understanding, is a self oriented person. Because they lack that social intelligence, the ability to see and understand the effect they have on others, they are sortof trapped in a cloud of self without the accurate interpretation of social feedback to help the autocorrect. Without Interpersonal and social understanding to compete with your internal dialogue, you become selfish, because it is he most real thing to you.
The same thing can happen to a person with too much Interpersonal intelligence. Without Interpersonal and social understanding. if you develop a habit of gathering and interpreting social ques but never develop a firm inner dialogue you become socially oriented. You become a trend slave, or a follower. This
If you can gather social cues, and interpret them, and you can have a strong internal dialogue that you can use social cues to repair, then you can become a person of character. The problem is that people can have learning disabilities that are harder to detect. An inability to learn from your mistakes in thought processing makes it difficult to gather wisdom. An inability to learn from the habits, expectations, and social cues of others makes it difficult to find a social niche, and again, difficult to gather wisdom.
Because there are so many types of intelligence, it makes it difficult to understand how to actually improve yourself. I think the most important thing is to try and develop critical thinking skills. Your ability to gather data improves parallel to your ability to process data, but you can improve your ability to gather without improving your ability to process. The same is not true the other way around, however. Processing data correctly leads to improvements in virtually every other area. If you can comprehend your environment, and how it reacts to you, you can comprehend yourself better.
And thats what the inflated ego needs; understanding to keep it in check. The self oriented individual lacks compassion, though they can usually simulate it because social pressure dictates that they must. The self oriented individual might also actually be quite adept at gathering social cues, but like i mentioned before, this has no bearing on their ability to correctly interpret them. Misinterpretations cant be caught without critical thinking skills, and so often the self oriented person has their worldview reaffirmed by their interpretations of cues. This happens to anyone without critical thinking skills, and isnt unique to the selfish person.
Intent has no bearing on method, and so a self oriented person can even actually mean well, though they lack true compassion. Often, a method of simulating compassion is caring about how a person makes YOU feel, and not wanting your own feeling to end. This results in the person caring for the needs of others, but primarily to be certain that their own desires continue to be met. This is a doppleganger of true compassion, which is done out of your own feeling for another, and comes without any expectation of reciprocation.
Its important to remember this, however. Selfish people are necessary, from an evolutionary standpoint. The family of cowards is always larger than the family of heroes. Cowards protect our future generations, by protecting themselves and their ability to reproduce. Heroes protect our currently living generation in addition to the future generations those living might represent. Both have an evolutionary necessity. I know this.
Im not saying selfishness is wrong, im saying it is annoying. Knowing that someone is incapable of genuinely giving a fuck about anyone but themselves is no consolation for knowing that they dont give a fuck about you. Im a social primate, and so are you. I have an expectation of respect, and social grooming. You spend more time being sure you will be taken care of than you spend taking care of others. How can i respect that? I can understand it. But thats not me. Its not how i am, and while i can accept it, i can never respect it.
It might not be your fault that youre socially retarded, or that youve been conditioned to deal only in self. I know that your expanded sense of self, your inflated ego, doesnt actually come with a self esteem boost, and that your inability to appropriately respond to others leaves you lonely, but that doesnt excuse it.
Self improvement. We are who we choose to be. You could change, if you wanted to, if you could recognize what your problems are, and work on them. You can rebuild yourself to be whomever you wish to be. But you wont. But you cant. You dont have the drive. You may not even have the meatal means, i have no way of knowing.
But that doesnt mean you cant help it. Ive tried to tell you. So have other people. Im sure that on some level youre aware of what you do to others. So fix it. Just stop, and choose to change. If not for others, do it for yourself. If you dont try and become something else, you will never stop feeling alone.
just try.
