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"where you are now you cant even imagine what the bottom would be like."

March 24th, 2006 (08:46 am)

so im updating from the library.
i have about 14 minutes till my next class so i thought id squeeze one in.

Willow and i went and saw V for Vendetta.
Ive seen it already but it was her first time.
That movie is truly brilliant.

Spending this time with her has meant alot to me.
More than i can even start to explain.
i dont know if she can see it, but its showing me just how much ive changed.

Anyway...i should be getting a new workstudy Monday.
I go to my therapist this afternoon...
that should help me relieve some stress.I have to pick up my new meds perscription and i start the increased dosage tonight.
Im not to optimistic about it, but i , unlike many, trust my doctors.

I have a paper to write this weekend.
I have to write a world religions research paper on Baha'i.
It shouldnt be so bad...its only 5-6 pages, and its on a topic i know.
the research part is the part i dread.

Im looking forward to lunch.
I ahve alot of things i want to say to a few people.
Nothing to harsh really... just a few well placed words.

I have about 8 minutes until class starts.

I hope im not shooting myself in the foot with this whole willow thing...
ive seen her argue with Chris on the phone... and i know she doesnt really know what she wants... but i honestly believe she loves me.

Maybe the odds arent in my favor...
but are they ever?

and besides.
the best times in my life are from the bottom looking up.
♥

_david.

"this world, where the heart must either break or turn to lead."

March 24th, 2006 (02:55 pm)

its friday.
im exhausted.

i probably wont get to see willow tonight.
that makes me pretty sad.
i just got back from the therapist.
she made me pretty sad too.

if i had just one wish...
id wish for things im scared of.
id wish i had a chance.
id wish i really believed things could be ok.

i think im gonna have myself a good cry and then a nap.
im hoping that maybe someone who cares willthink of something to do.
Im in a really awful mood.
i wish someone would run all my errands for me.
and i have this monster paper due monday.
im scared theres something secret going on behind my back.
im scared theres some storm in the distance.
i expected bad things.
bad things didnt happen yet.
im still waiting.

i just want her to say
"i love you. your all i want.
your my only one. im committed."

and she hasnt.
i dont know if she can.
she loves me...
but she doesnt know if im what she wants.
and it hurts. and im crying.
and shes being nicer to me than she has since we first fell in love.
how can i do anything?
im parylized.
i cant fix anything.
i dont know what to do...
so im going to cry and sleep until something good happens.

♥

_david.

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"where you are now you cant even imagine what the bottom would be like."

"this world, where the heart must either break or turn to lead."

♥

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David

November 2009

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